My dream...

... is to be happy always...

Expectations Pt 1

When I was growing up....

Lately I just enrolled in a Professional Facial Treatment Course and very often we get our skin analysed. The thing about skin analysis is we cannot hide anything. Our past gets exposed for all our habits could be revealed through the marks on our skin. 

For example, I used to be very stressed out and I had breakouts around my forehead near the temple, as well as on the jawline. When my therapist told me that, I was brought back to my past and those dreadful stressful days... It is becoming a very emotional process as I remember those times when I did not do well in studies and how humiliating it was because all the other students (esp teachers' kids) were getting into the top 10 positions in class. I hated those days because I felt so bad about myself and I was not worthy.

I remember once I was rank 32th in class out of I think about 35 students and the smart kids got top 10. And my mom and grandma were so upset with me. Once I got 17th place and was so happy for it was the highest I ever got! Came home, excitedly told my grandma and she said it was nothing to be proud of. 

Hence I chose to  go to the Arts stream in Form 4 for there was no competition there. I was always top 2 in class. Same happened in Form 6 all the way to my university days. 

Today, after the skin analysis, I feel terrible about the days of my youth. Miserable and stressful. When my therapist said, "Relax, you don't have to be the best in everything," and it surely left a mark and kept my thoughts on a roll...

Ever wondered, "What if..."?

Down...